You Are All Awesome! Thank you!

I am blown away when I speak with an event coordinator or venue owner and they tell horror stories of nobody artists who bring a list of demands to the table. The artist gives attitude about breaks, stage setup, and attendance and the venue is left with a seriously bad taste in their mouth and the artist walks away unhappy and complaining.

This is a terrible lose-lose situation, when it so easily could have been a win-win. As an independent artist, it’s my responsibility to book shows and make sure the venue, my band, and my listeners are all happy. The sure fire way to ensure this is by having gratitude. It’s a big word that carries a lot of meaning. Gratitude.

When I start to think gratitude and express gratitude, relationships are instantly built, walls are broken down, deals are done, and I am even more thankful than when I walked in. Now, I understand that you may not also be an independent artist, but I felt it was so important to write about this, because it affects us all!

That person you work with that always seems to have a chip on their shoulder…the barista at a coffee shop who is clearly having a pissed off day and leaves a bad taste in your mouth, no pun intended, haha…your girlfriend/boyfriend/spouse/roommate that did that thing again that really annoys you. We run into negativity everyday in ourselves as well as others. Now, let pride roll off your back and turn it around:

At work, imagine saying, “Bob, you look really sharp today. I really like that tie and great work on the Ninja report. I hear that it’s going over very well upstairs!” You’d feel pretty good about yourself for putting that positivity and happiness on someone else right?! Plus, Bob might just respond with a smile! Weird, right!

At the coffee shop, imagine asking with a smile, “How’s your day going? It looks pretty busy in here!” Do you really think you’re going to get a pissed off response? And if you do, just say, “Well, I hope your day gets better”. By now, the barista has to at least flash a smile. J You feel good about yourself and can take that first sip of wonderful coffee with a smile.

At home, think to yourself, ‘You know what, I love my boyfriend and ya, he does this thing that annoys me, but it’s not on purpose and he also deals with my makeup and hair all over the bathroom. Plus, in the grand scheme of things, this is minor. It’s not worth fighting about or stressing about and I am so thankful to have such a great person in my life. I’ll just clean it up and go on being happy about us.’

Imagine how your life would change! With all this happiness, positivity, and gratitude, it’s going to be hard to stay upset about the minor things or let someone else’s negativity affect your day. And when it does, because we can’t always be chipper, we just remind ourselves of all the wonderful things in our life that we’re thankful for.

Gratitude is a magical thing. Instead of thinking how this person shouldn’t be doing xy&z to YOU, instead think what you can give to them and be thankful for everything that you have to be happy about. Give it out. Happiness and gratitude are not commodities that run out. They multiply like bunnies!

Have a fantastic day! Check back with you soon!

Life Outside the Box

I still remember the first time my art teacher told me to extend my painting off the canvas. I’m certain the look I gave her was similar to that of my dog’s face when he cocks his head sideways and raises his eyebrows in utter confusion. The canvas is there for a reason! It is the box in which I keep my creativity. I was never allowed to color on the walls or continue my fantastic crayon rainbow drawing onto the table when the paper turned out to be too small. My creativity and talents grew through the years, but only as much as a fish can grow in a tiny bowl of captivity.

Now, taking on the music industry, I feel like I smashed the walls with one of those emergency glass-shattering hammers! The box that I kept myself in all those years is now gone, but I have to learn to grow outside the box! I’ve tested the waters, like Nemo’s dad swimming out of the anemone and then back in, out and back in, to check if it’s safe, if I'm comfortable. Honestly, that’s exhausting and it takes way too much time. Sure, there are sharks in the water, but unlike clown fish, I won’t be literally eaten. It's time to swim out, all fears and past constraints aside!

When I chose to do music full-time, while living on savings (no income), I had a grand and unconventional plan. Things didn’t go quite to plan and I began to worry and constantly criticize myself. I gained weight, started drinking more often, and fell into a constant state of turmoil. My head was always racing about what I’d done wrong and what I could do to make up for it. However, looking back, I’m amazed at the things I’ve done and how far I’ve come! That realization was like a switch turning back on and I was back to my happy, positive, optimistic self, including working out regularly, enjoying time with friends, and writing songs that made me feel something!

Tomorrow morning, I drive off into the sunrise, heading east. First to Kentucky, then Ohio, Pennsylvania, New York, Rhode Island, Connecticut, Massachusetts, New Jersey, DC, Virginia, and North Carolina. It’ll just be me and my guitar this time around, something I never would’ve attempted previously. I’m jumping outside the box!

I’ll be doing what some may call unconventional; I’m calling “never done before”. I’ve mapped out 32 county fairs that have major country artists performing at them with no opening acts and that I would love to play at! I’ll be hand delivering baskets with cookies, a few merchandise items, a DVD, CD, and press kit, decorated in my brand, signature teal color, and a little burlap.

I’ve gotten some push back about this, saying that it’s probably just going to end up in the garbage and never make it past the gatekeepers, but I just don’t believe that. If I did, I wouldn’t be putting so much into it. The thing is, I’ve worked in my own hometown fair’s admin office. The people who work there are not music business people, who have strangers coming door to door handing out CDs, like on music row. They’re good people with warm hearts, who work for the fair, because they love it! It’s a family.

I truly believe there is something great in eye-to-eye conversation and that’s not something I can accomplish over the phone or through e-mail. I want to show who I am as a person, so I can show my genuine self. This, along with my unconventional, but thoughtful press kit, will be the key in building mutually beneficial relationships with the fairs. If you're still unsure of my "never been done" plan, check out the below statistics! 

(I LOVE PIE CHARTS!!!...and not just because pie is delicious!)

One big pink streak of paint off the canvas!!! Life outside the box isn’t easy, but it’s the high and low moments in life that make it worth living. I choose to go beyond what’s “normal” and “expected” and live my life outside the box.

My Secret Cure for Your Inner Most Struggles

Tell me you inner most struggle currently. I know you think you’re alone. I know you’re ashamed or embarrassed to admit it, to put it out into the world, or to put that burden on someone else. I promise, I can relate. It’s not a burden. I’m no
t here to solve your problem. I’m just here to let you know you can get through it. I’m just here to lend an ear. If I can help in any way, I’ll offer, I’ll try. But I promise not to make any promises, so you don’t feel like you’re burdening someone else. I’m just here to let you know it’s completely normal. We all struggle through the same emotions and fears; all in our different ways and different circumstances and some more than others, but we all do.

My greatest joy is being able to relate to people through emotions we all feel at some time or another. I listen, like really listen, the kind of listening you crave. Then, I tap into those emotions of mine and write from that place in my soul, those moments in my life, but using your details. Music heals, inspires, and strengthens. Let me help. Let me create music. Life is real. Emotions are real. I believe that it hurts, that it weighs on your mind. Lay it out for me and I will create music to heal your soul in a way that only music can. The kind you can listen to alone and cry or rejoice or use as your “let’s get down to business” song.

Today, I had a long chat with a good friend of mine and for the first time, we let down all our walls and I felt safe. I dared to be vulnerable, as did she. I shared a truth that I am so ashamed of and yet I’m overcoming. It’s like one of those days, when my creative self sits on the couch in my PJs all day. A wall. A distraction. Resistance. Vulnerability. 

I love music and what I can do with it, but now and again, I feel unworthy. Unworthy of good co-writers, making the right connections, having people look up to me. I don’t want to feel that! No one does! That’s why I numb. I numb those emotions by watching TV all day and not looking at the task at hand that is causing me so much turmoil. The problem is, I’m not an all-day TV watcher. I don’t want to be that person. I don’t even recognize that person and I’m embarrassed for people to see that person. I don’t want to share it. I don’t want people to see that, for fear that they’ll make assumptions about me as a person or opinions about my worthiness.

The truth is though, that we all have days like that. We all have moments when we block out and numb the things that cause us pain and turmoil. We can see it in the alcoholic that started drinking when his wife died in a car crash in which he was driving. We see it in the overweight girl who eats ice cream and watches an endless number movies, because she wants to escape the world in which she's teased at school. We see it in the overworked corporate ladder climber who takes a pill to relax on the weekends, so they won’t worry about the things that can’t be controlled. We numb. It’s not uncommon. It’s not unusual. It’s not OK, but it is real. 

Tell me your story, let me feel your pain, so I can put it on paper and to music. Then, you can slowly heal through the music and be better for that experience. No anger, no fear, no consuming thoughts. Just the accepting of what is already past, so you can move forward freely, like a sailboat cutting through water by the power of the wind. This is my offering to the world. This is my passion and the most powerful gift I could ever give. 

The "F" Word is Killing

Think about the moments you’ve savored most in your life, the ones that make you glow inside. What were you doing? Who were you with? I’m guessing it wasn’t sitting alone at home. There’s an energy about people when they’re connecting with other people, whether that’s with family, friends, volunteering, working, creating, experiencing others’ creations, or just talking with strangers. It’s almost magic how when you connect with someone, your heart glows and you feel comforted and joyous.

But everyday, we go out into the world and when asked the question, “How are you doing?” the automatic response is “fine, How are you?” There’s something wrong here. “Fine” is not good. If you’re “Fine”, I want to ask, “Why aren’t you great?!” and I want a real response! What would the world look like if we were all real with each other, good and bad. We’re all human. We all experience ups and downs, but somehow it’s become commonly accepted to hide all the things that make us human, that make us real. We put on a face that everything is great, even when its not and we could really use a listening ear or a warm hug. In essence, "fine" is killing human connection.

There are now statistics that say Facebook is causing depression, because people surf their friends profiles and see how great everyone else is doing when they themselves are really struggling. Because of us, people feel left behind, like failures, like they’re the only person not happy. IT’S LIES! Everyone is not great! We perpetuate the depression, sadness, and loneliness by hiding behind “Fine” and posting pictures and posts of only the great moments in life.

Now, I’m an optimist, so I don’t want to go on Facebook and see a bunch of posts about how life sucks and everything is terrible, but there is value in saying, “I’m having a rough day. My dog died, I got in a car wreck, and my boyfriend broke up with me. It’s been a tear filled day, but things will get better. Things will turn around. They always do.” How would you respond to that? What comment would you leave? Would you leave one at all? I would! I definitely would! And if I had their phone number, I’d probably call, even if we hadn’t talked in years.

That realness and vulnerability is what makes music so impactful. Think of Adele's song, "Set Fire to the Rain", Taylor Swift's "Mean", even Marvin Gaye's "Sexual Healing". They put their inner feelings on a platter. You think it's comfortable to tell people you've been broken up with, you're being teased, or that you really want someone's love? It's not. But in being vulnerable, we're able to connect with complete strangers on a deep level. 

There’s value in being vulnerable. That extends to all places in life. I have told the barista at the coffee shop how my day was really going and guess what? I got a real response, not just some cookie cutter everyday line. We then smiled, gave a genuinely sincere “Have a great day!” and went on our ways. I don’t know her name, nor does she know mine, but we put a little bright spot in each others days.

Now imagine those bright spots in every interaction you have throughout the day, because people genuinely care how each other are doing. You wouldn’t be fine. You’d be the not so “F” word, fantastic!

Want more on this topic? Watch Brene Brown’s enlightening talk on vulnerability in her TEDx Talk: http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability?language=en

The Self-Corruption of Inaction

“I just don’t know what to do.” “Sure, I have a list of things I’d like to accomplish, but I don’t feel like doing those right now.” “I don’t know where to start.” “It’s like I want to do nothing and everything at the same time.…I think I’ll watch a little bit of TV while I decide[…3 hours later, still watching TV]”

I’ve been there! I think it’s a fair assessment to say that most of us have, at one point or another. It’s that place where your desires are so great and you are motivated to do what you love, but you’re afraid to screw it up! You don’t know where to start, so you don’t start at all. Sometimes, all you really need is to get out of your own way!

Whether you want to start your own company, lose weight, try a new hobby, travel the world, whatever it may be! No one is stopping you from getting a business license, doing the work you love, going to the gym, eating fewer calories than you burn, taking a hula class, buying a flight to Paris, or in my case, making music and sharing it with the world. So, why isn’t the world filled with tons of people just doing what they want?!

There are internal roadblocks that stop us. Pretty much every roadblock boils down to Fear. Fear that we can’t afford it, Fear that we won’t succeed. Fear that people won’t like us or the service or product we offer. Fear we won’t find the love of our lives and get married and have babies. Fear that we can’t make our dreams come true. Did you notice that all these things are fears of what we can’t or won’t do?

We’re not afraid that we will make a living doing what we love, that we’ll get married and live happily ever after, that people will love us, or all our dreams will come true. Why would that scare us?! That sounds amazing! So why are we stopped?

Taking action will only get you closer to AMAZING! You make a choice every time you choose to act or not. Every time, I write a song, book a show, or market my music, I am taking action. I’m making the decision to do something. It may not always be the best way, but it’s a way. It’s action. It’s something. I’m moving forward, even if I’m zig-zagging. 

All these thoughts hit me yesterday and filled my journal pages as I talked myself though this all. Now, I've boiled it down to one sentence…

Defying the Fear of Failure

I’ve been caught in this web of destruction myself. You’re so scared that you’ll screw up something so important to you that you wind up taking no action at all. The fear of failure debilitates you.

The other night, I had a revelation. It went something like this:

When all else fails, remember that no one knows you (yet). No one cares what you put out onto the inter-web, except your family and friends who already love you no matter what. If you suck, people will ignore it. If you’re deliciously terrible, you’ll make tons of money on YouTube ads. If you’re good, people will be impressed and they’ll do one of two things: 1) enjoy it and move on with their day, which you’ve now impacted :) or 2) share it on their social media and tell friends about it :D

Is there really a down side here? No one cares if you’re invisible, so dare to be invisible. You might just be so remarkable, they notice you.

Here's a video to show that I dare to be invisible: "Anything" by Carolyn Mescher 

Hopefully, you'll notice.  I'm not perfect, but I keep getting better, so this is me right now. 

Write Your First Song: the self-proclaimed non-songwriter’s guide to writing a song

1. Write a list of what’s going on in your life right now, whether they’re successes, habits, relationship woes or excitement, fears, faith, whatever.
2. Pick the one you think sounds like the best song idea (you can pick a few if you’d like to see which ideas play out best)
3. Write about your chosen topic completely. Include both detail and overview. Add smells, sounds, sights, feels, senses, thoughts, how other people may perceive the situation, how other people would think or feel given the same situation.
4. Read what you wrote and pick out any lines or phrases that really hit you. Circle them. Underline any lines or phrases that seem like universal truths or things many people can relate to.
5. Look through your circled and underlined items and see if you found a cool song title, which will also be used as your “hook line”. The hook line is typically the last line in the chorus, the line that sticks with the listener.
6. We’re going to start with a basic and extremely common song structure for this first song: Verse, Chorus, Verse, Chorus, Chorus.
7. Put your hook line as the last line of your four-line chorus. Pick out other universal truths as well as some details that all relate to your hook line. Arrange them in a way that you would naturally say rhythmically. Think of a poem, like…”Mary had a little lamb, whose fleece was white as snow. Everywhere that Mary went, that lamb was sure to go.” The syllable emphasizes are very rhythmic.
8. Once you have four lines you like for your chorus, all directing the listener to the hook, ie the point of the song, move on to the verses. Think about how you want to get to the chorus and what you may want to say after you’ve made your point in the chorus. You may want to start with imagery and details. You may want to start with a question. It’s really up to you what you think is an interesting first line for your song that you can finish the thought in a four line verse and have the listener ready for what’s coming in the chorus.
9. For the verse melody, you’re looking for something more conversational. Think the same rhythmic/groove feel, like you’re reading a poem in sync with certain syllables emphasized.
10. Once you have four lines you like for the first verse, move onto the second. What can you say now, after the chorus, that wouldn’t have made sense in the first verse? Is there another part of this story you’re telling that had to wait until after the chorus? Maybe there’s a twist? That’s perfect material for the second verse. Look through your notes and pull out ideas, crafting your words into four lines for the second verse.
11. Repeat your same chorus. Make sure this makes sense with what you said in verse two.
12. Read back over your song. If there are any lines you don’t like, work on crafting them into lines you do like. This is your creation. It is whatever you want it to be and whatever you make it. If it strikes a chord with you, it’s done its job.
13. Optional Melody: Your verses typically include more detail and are more conversational, so the melody is more conversational. For the chorus melody, try to jump up a third or a fifth musically. That will make the chorus stand out a little more. If you don’t know what a third or fifth is, just sing higher for the chorus to help make it stand out more.
14. Song complete!