The "F" Word is Killing

Think about the moments you’ve savored most in your life, the ones that make you glow inside. What were you doing? Who were you with? I’m guessing it wasn’t sitting alone at home. There’s an energy about people when they’re connecting with other people, whether that’s with family, friends, volunteering, working, creating, experiencing others’ creations, or just talking with strangers. It’s almost magic how when you connect with someone, your heart glows and you feel comforted and joyous.

But everyday, we go out into the world and when asked the question, “How are you doing?” the automatic response is “fine, How are you?” There’s something wrong here. “Fine” is not good. If you’re “Fine”, I want to ask, “Why aren’t you great?!” and I want a real response! What would the world look like if we were all real with each other, good and bad. We’re all human. We all experience ups and downs, but somehow it’s become commonly accepted to hide all the things that make us human, that make us real. We put on a face that everything is great, even when its not and we could really use a listening ear or a warm hug. In essence, "fine" is killing human connection.

There are now statistics that say Facebook is causing depression, because people surf their friends profiles and see how great everyone else is doing when they themselves are really struggling. Because of us, people feel left behind, like failures, like they’re the only person not happy. IT’S LIES! Everyone is not great! We perpetuate the depression, sadness, and loneliness by hiding behind “Fine” and posting pictures and posts of only the great moments in life.

Now, I’m an optimist, so I don’t want to go on Facebook and see a bunch of posts about how life sucks and everything is terrible, but there is value in saying, “I’m having a rough day. My dog died, I got in a car wreck, and my boyfriend broke up with me. It’s been a tear filled day, but things will get better. Things will turn around. They always do.” How would you respond to that? What comment would you leave? Would you leave one at all? I would! I definitely would! And if I had their phone number, I’d probably call, even if we hadn’t talked in years.

That realness and vulnerability is what makes music so impactful. Think of Adele's song, "Set Fire to the Rain", Taylor Swift's "Mean", even Marvin Gaye's "Sexual Healing". They put their inner feelings on a platter. You think it's comfortable to tell people you've been broken up with, you're being teased, or that you really want someone's love? It's not. But in being vulnerable, we're able to connect with complete strangers on a deep level. 

There’s value in being vulnerable. That extends to all places in life. I have told the barista at the coffee shop how my day was really going and guess what? I got a real response, not just some cookie cutter everyday line. We then smiled, gave a genuinely sincere “Have a great day!” and went on our ways. I don’t know her name, nor does she know mine, but we put a little bright spot in each others days.

Now imagine those bright spots in every interaction you have throughout the day, because people genuinely care how each other are doing. You wouldn’t be fine. You’d be the not so “F” word, fantastic!

Want more on this topic? Watch Brene Brown’s enlightening talk on vulnerability in her TEDx Talk: http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability?language=en