I wish I hadn't pursued my dreams!

Two days ago, I didn’t know how to spell Mount Kilimanjaro. Tuesday morning, I found out that I had lost a very dear friend to a falling boulder on that mountain, while he was making another of his dreams come true, climbing it with his wife.

I was beyond shocked at first, not believing that it could be true. As it sank in more and more, the tears ran, but it wasn’t at the life he had yet to live. See, Scott Dinsmore was someone very rare and special. At 33, he had quit corporate America, built and stepped away a successful investment company, and THEN inspired millions and built a worldwide community of people who pursued what they were passionate about and absolutely loved the work they did. He was madly in love with his wife of five years, always had a smile, was an avid lover of dinner parties, and dove into any athletic challenge, even if it ended in ice bags and soreness. It was easy to come to the realization that Scott lived more and left a larger impact in his 33 years, than most do in a lifetime. I feel so blessed to have been directly impacted by such a remarkable person.

I also have to say that it really scared me. Scott lived his life inspiring and helping people do work they were truly passionate about. We had talked about my music and he was so excited for me (and for me to run into Taylor Swift again so I could set up a meeting with Scott, haha) and I committed to writing a sort of anthem song for Live Your Legend, his company. I started writing the song a few times, but it never seemed epic enough so I never finished it and now, I won’t be able to share it with him. Unfortunately, my procrastination on his song is a perfect example of how many of us live our lives.

Life is so incredibly fragile! We never know when our number will be called. It scares me to my very core to think of all I wouldn’t have achieved if my time came tomorrow. It’s a kick in the pants to get moving! Strangely, Scott wrote this in a blog post February, 4, 2015 titled, “How Do You Manufacture Your Own Heart Attack?” He talks about how near death experiences or life-threatening illnesses kick people into gear to accomplish what they want to leave behind. Many, including myself, live as if we will never die and there will always be more time tomorrow to accomplish our goals and dreams. But when you face the fact that life could end at any moment, there are really very few things I WANT to do.

Scott stated perfectly in that blog post February 4, in referring to him and his wife in old age, “we will NOT be telling ourselves…’Damn! I wish we wouldn’t have taken that trip around the world.’, ‘I wish we would have hosted fewer dinner parties with fascinating, inspiring people.’, ‘I wish we would have cooked less healthy food and eaten fewer meals together.’, and ‘I wish we wouldn’t have pursued our dreams.’” I couldn’t have said it any better! I may regret not having the courage to reach for what I want or I may regret watching TV, but I will never regret pursuing my dreams, traveling, and spending time with those I love.

In life and death, Scott inspires me. He will continue for years to come and my whole life through! I am so excited to honor him by living MY legend, because that’s what his life was about – helping people find and do work they were passionate about. I won’t stop pushing forward towards my dreams, while making sure to spend time with those I love and just enjoy the hell out of life!

Bring on the Glitter!

When asked what I'm most proud of in my life, my mind went to, "What made me glitter inside?" I expected a musical achievement to rise to the surface like cream rises in milk. However, I was surprised to find that one very non-glittery achievement surpassed all of my musical ones: passing my CPA exams.

I have to start by saying that the CPA exams, taken to become a certified professional accountant, are only passed by a fraction of people who take the exams. I was given guidelines of how and what to study, but it was really up to me to stick to the schedule. I also had to recognize that I wouldn’t know everything on the exam. It’s designed that way, but I had to know enough that I could score enough points on the things I did know, so that I could pass. I studied for four months, twelve hours a day, not including the one-month break I took in the middle to adventure around Australia. ;)

I was so stressed on a constant basis that my hair began to fall out. I didn’t have time to stop studying in order to work out, so I did flashcards on the stationary bike and read my notes while walking on the treadmill. If studying were an addiction, I was obsessed. I definitely did not go out. I didn’t have time. I woke up at 6, studied until 9 on the patio, then got ready and went to the library, which opened at 10am. I would study there until 2pm, take a half hour lunch, then go back from 2:30-6pm before going to the gym to study while exercising. I would go home to eat dinner, then up to my room to study until 9pm or until my brain couldn’t comprehend anymore.

I look back and wonder how I did it, how I was able to focus. I only know for sure that coffee, 5-hour energy drinks, and water were essential. I pushed past what my body saw as an acceptable amount of time to learn new material. I pushed past being tired or wanting to see friends. I ignored the need to control my immediate surroundings. And physically, I pushed past the amount of time my body felt I could sit in a chair…which is also why the gym and proper eating habits were so essential. I pushed my limits until they gave in and the only constraint was the number of hours in a day.

I guess that's why I'm so proud of that accomplishment. It took everything I had and then some, but I did it. Honestly, the four months I spent studying and expanding my limits are just fuzzy memories. I don't remember any significant events or moments, because there were none. I studied all the time. But they were worth it! I now know that my limits are much farther than I ever expected, which gives me immeasurable amounts of strength and courage to move forward into whatever venture I take on. 

Limits aren't hard to push until they push back and they always push back. The most you can do is fight like hell, ignore your comfort zone, and keep yourself healthy so you can continue to push forward with full strength. You may just come to discover that those are your proudest moments.

I thought I'd share this shot from the deck of the Condor, the sailboat I sailed on for 3 days in the Whitsundays of Australia in my month off during studying. That was another limit I pushed: traveling alone through Australia for a month, adventuring and creating thousands of memories to last a lifetime of stories. 

How I Climb Everest!

Everest is the tallest mountain because it reaches the highest point in the sky. If Everest could speak, it wouldn’t have said, “Well, I want to be the biggest mountain, but first I need to focus on being the biggest pebble, then the biggest mound, then the biggest, hill, and THEN the biggest mountain.” He would have just said, “I want to be the biggest mountain!”

I’ve noticed that sometimes people get bogged down in the mini-goals they’ve set in order to reach their big goals. I’m guilty of this myself. The truth is, those mini-goals shouldn’t be called goals at all. They are bench marks, mile markers, milestones, whatever you want to call them. The main distinction needed is that you don’t HAVE to achieve them. You don’t want to be so focused on your mini-goals and hitting them that you miss giant opportunities that could push you towards your main goal, because you don’t want to get off this imaginary path you’ve designed for yourself.

Life isn’t always a path. It’s like a sailboat in water. Instead of resisting the wind and sitting dead in the water, so you make a straight line to your goal, try using the wind to your advantage! You may zig-zag a little, but you’ll be moving and often you’ll get to your destination sooner and with more experience. Just don’t let the wind blow you completely off course. Keep your big goal in sight and always keep moving towards it in one way or another.

Wow, I think I just gave myself a big lesson in writing this.

The Self-Corruption of Inaction

“I just don’t know what to do.” “Sure, I have a list of things I’d like to accomplish, but I don’t feel like doing those right now.” “I don’t know where to start.” “It’s like I want to do nothing and everything at the same time.…I think I’ll watch a little bit of TV while I decide[…3 hours later, still watching TV]”

I’ve been there! I think it’s a fair assessment to say that most of us have, at one point or another. It’s that place where your desires are so great and you are motivated to do what you love, but you’re afraid to screw it up! You don’t know where to start, so you don’t start at all. Sometimes, all you really need is to get out of your own way!

Whether you want to start your own company, lose weight, try a new hobby, travel the world, whatever it may be! No one is stopping you from getting a business license, doing the work you love, going to the gym, eating fewer calories than you burn, taking a hula class, buying a flight to Paris, or in my case, making music and sharing it with the world. So, why isn’t the world filled with tons of people just doing what they want?!

There are internal roadblocks that stop us. Pretty much every roadblock boils down to Fear. Fear that we can’t afford it, Fear that we won’t succeed. Fear that people won’t like us or the service or product we offer. Fear we won’t find the love of our lives and get married and have babies. Fear that we can’t make our dreams come true. Did you notice that all these things are fears of what we can’t or won’t do?

We’re not afraid that we will make a living doing what we love, that we’ll get married and live happily ever after, that people will love us, or all our dreams will come true. Why would that scare us?! That sounds amazing! So why are we stopped?

Taking action will only get you closer to AMAZING! You make a choice every time you choose to act or not. Every time, I write a song, book a show, or market my music, I am taking action. I’m making the decision to do something. It may not always be the best way, but it’s a way. It’s action. It’s something. I’m moving forward, even if I’m zig-zagging. 

All these thoughts hit me yesterday and filled my journal pages as I talked myself though this all. Now, I've boiled it down to one sentence…