Life Outside the Box

I still remember the first time my art teacher told me to extend my painting off the canvas. I’m certain the look I gave her was similar to that of my dog’s face when he cocks his head sideways and raises his eyebrows in utter confusion. The canvas is there for a reason! It is the box in which I keep my creativity. I was never allowed to color on the walls or continue my fantastic crayon rainbow drawing onto the table when the paper turned out to be too small. My creativity and talents grew through the years, but only as much as a fish can grow in a tiny bowl of captivity.

Now, taking on the music industry, I feel like I smashed the walls with one of those emergency glass-shattering hammers! The box that I kept myself in all those years is now gone, but I have to learn to grow outside the box! I’ve tested the waters, like Nemo’s dad swimming out of the anemone and then back in, out and back in, to check if it’s safe, if I'm comfortable. Honestly, that’s exhausting and it takes way too much time. Sure, there are sharks in the water, but unlike clown fish, I won’t be literally eaten. It's time to swim out, all fears and past constraints aside!

When I chose to do music full-time, while living on savings (no income), I had a grand and unconventional plan. Things didn’t go quite to plan and I began to worry and constantly criticize myself. I gained weight, started drinking more often, and fell into a constant state of turmoil. My head was always racing about what I’d done wrong and what I could do to make up for it. However, looking back, I’m amazed at the things I’ve done and how far I’ve come! That realization was like a switch turning back on and I was back to my happy, positive, optimistic self, including working out regularly, enjoying time with friends, and writing songs that made me feel something!

Tomorrow morning, I drive off into the sunrise, heading east. First to Kentucky, then Ohio, Pennsylvania, New York, Rhode Island, Connecticut, Massachusetts, New Jersey, DC, Virginia, and North Carolina. It’ll just be me and my guitar this time around, something I never would’ve attempted previously. I’m jumping outside the box!

I’ll be doing what some may call unconventional; I’m calling “never done before”. I’ve mapped out 32 county fairs that have major country artists performing at them with no opening acts and that I would love to play at! I’ll be hand delivering baskets with cookies, a few merchandise items, a DVD, CD, and press kit, decorated in my brand, signature teal color, and a little burlap.

I’ve gotten some push back about this, saying that it’s probably just going to end up in the garbage and never make it past the gatekeepers, but I just don’t believe that. If I did, I wouldn’t be putting so much into it. The thing is, I’ve worked in my own hometown fair’s admin office. The people who work there are not music business people, who have strangers coming door to door handing out CDs, like on music row. They’re good people with warm hearts, who work for the fair, because they love it! It’s a family.

I truly believe there is something great in eye-to-eye conversation and that’s not something I can accomplish over the phone or through e-mail. I want to show who I am as a person, so I can show my genuine self. This, along with my unconventional, but thoughtful press kit, will be the key in building mutually beneficial relationships with the fairs. If you're still unsure of my "never been done" plan, check out the below statistics! 

(I LOVE PIE CHARTS!!!...and not just because pie is delicious!)

One big pink streak of paint off the canvas!!! Life outside the box isn’t easy, but it’s the high and low moments in life that make it worth living. I choose to go beyond what’s “normal” and “expected” and live my life outside the box.

My Creativity Killed a Judge

The part of the brain activated when you are judged by yourself or someone else is deactivated when you’re being creative. Fact.

As a creative person myself, my first response to this was, “Great! How do I deactivate that part of my brain?!” I constantly judge myself and what I’m doing, whether it’s a good judgment or a bad judgment. It’s natural, because it’s the way we grew up. Two plus two equals four. Right. Calling the kid with no legs a loser. Wrong. From math to morals, we are taught from a young age, to look at the world in right and wrongs.

But art, and in my case songwriting isn’t made in right and wrongs, so how can I turn off self-judgment, so that I can be creative and be better at being creative? As I sat pondering my solutions, I remembered a song I started writing earlier in the day and I realized that after I thought of the first line, the next thing I did was start trying all different melodies on it. I sang flat, my voice cracked, I had weird interval jumps, it sounded terrible, and then I found a melody I liked. I didn’t judge myself and shut down all the creativity that was happening. I just let it flow, because I knew I would move beyond what I didn’t like and move to what I did. It wasn’t a conscious thought of I like this, I don’t like that, this is wrong, or this is right. I just kept trying new things and hearing what came out.

That’s all art is, right? There is no right or wrong, it’s just what you like or don’t like. When I continued to make up different melodies, I didn’t say, “that’s wrong!” and shut down my creative process. I just let it flow. Judgment is not a conscious switch you can turn off. The goal is just to be in the moment. When you’re fully in the moment, you’re not thinking about what’s right or wrong or what’s on your to-do list or if you’d rather be doing something else. You’re only focus is on pouring out your creative energies and making your creation more appealing to you.

If someone had described to you a painting in which the facial features were distorted and out of place, you’d probably imagine you wouldn’t like it. I’m guessing Pablo Picasso didn’t think that no one would like his paintings because the facial features were out of their normal places. Maybe he just wanted to see what it’d look like. Maybe he just started his painting in the wrong place and then decided to switch it up. Maybe he just liked where it was going and kept putting facial features in different places. Maybe there’s some deep underlying meaning that he was trying to convey. Whatever the reason, it makes no difference. Pablo painted things that appealed to him and his emotions at that moment. This is how all art works.

Once the creation is made, others chose to like it or not. And I know, it’s hard to hear when someone doesn’t like your creation, but it comes with the territory. Thinking about how someone else may not like your creation is not reason enough not to create it, because when it comes right down to it, it’s yours and no one else’s. Your creation, whether it be a song, a painting, a quilt, a photograph, a dance, a symphony, or a sculpture is your representation of your emotions and thoughts depicted in a form that speaks to you and appeals to your mind’s eye. We’ve all the phrase, “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.” I agree and so are anger, love, hate, mourning, hope, despair, joy, and excitement.

Just as no two people have the same exact experiences and innermost thoughts, no one else can create your art and no one else is going to see, hear, or feel it like you do. So don’t ever let yourself fall victim to judgment, your own included. Your art will be created as your soul sees fit.

If you want to hear more on creativity, I encourage you to check out the NPR TED Radio Hour on the Source of Creativity at http://www.npr.org/programs/ted-radio-hour/351538855/the-source-of-creativity

Finish This Song...No, Really!

I have a game for you! It's called finish this song! 

While I was songwriting today, I got stopped after the first chorus, determining the direction I want to take the second verse. I have a few ideas of 'what's in the corner' listed below. Comment below with which idea you like best! OR feel free to add your own!

Song Link: http://carolynmeschermusic.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/The-Mechanic.mp3

PS: My voice is a little tempered from allergies and my guitar tempos vary, haha. Just go with it. The words are below.

Lyrics:
She storms into the garage.
She doesn't know what he's got going on.
Only anger on her mind
cause he's an hour past the fix-it time.

           To her, he's just a mechanic
           and her time is more important.
           She doesn't see it in the corner
           Hidden by the years of dirt and dust.
           But no one's just a mechanic.

Options for verse 2: what's in the corner?
- Folded flag (from his Dad or son)
- Service awards (from armed services)
- Pictures of her (she's adopted and he's her biological father) WHAT?!
- Picture of his daughter, from whom the woman received a life saving organ.
- A picture of his pro race car and dusty trophies
- YOUR IDEA!

My Secret Cure for Your Inner Most Struggles

Tell me you inner most struggle currently. I know you think you’re alone. I know you’re ashamed or embarrassed to admit it, to put it out into the world, or to put that burden on someone else. I promise, I can relate. It’s not a burden. I’m no
t here to solve your problem. I’m just here to let you know you can get through it. I’m just here to lend an ear. If I can help in any way, I’ll offer, I’ll try. But I promise not to make any promises, so you don’t feel like you’re burdening someone else. I’m just here to let you know it’s completely normal. We all struggle through the same emotions and fears; all in our different ways and different circumstances and some more than others, but we all do.

My greatest joy is being able to relate to people through emotions we all feel at some time or another. I listen, like really listen, the kind of listening you crave. Then, I tap into those emotions of mine and write from that place in my soul, those moments in my life, but using your details. Music heals, inspires, and strengthens. Let me help. Let me create music. Life is real. Emotions are real. I believe that it hurts, that it weighs on your mind. Lay it out for me and I will create music to heal your soul in a way that only music can. The kind you can listen to alone and cry or rejoice or use as your “let’s get down to business” song.

Today, I had a long chat with a good friend of mine and for the first time, we let down all our walls and I felt safe. I dared to be vulnerable, as did she. I shared a truth that I am so ashamed of and yet I’m overcoming. It’s like one of those days, when my creative self sits on the couch in my PJs all day. A wall. A distraction. Resistance. Vulnerability. 

I love music and what I can do with it, but now and again, I feel unworthy. Unworthy of good co-writers, making the right connections, having people look up to me. I don’t want to feel that! No one does! That’s why I numb. I numb those emotions by watching TV all day and not looking at the task at hand that is causing me so much turmoil. The problem is, I’m not an all-day TV watcher. I don’t want to be that person. I don’t even recognize that person and I’m embarrassed for people to see that person. I don’t want to share it. I don’t want people to see that, for fear that they’ll make assumptions about me as a person or opinions about my worthiness.

The truth is though, that we all have days like that. We all have moments when we block out and numb the things that cause us pain and turmoil. We can see it in the alcoholic that started drinking when his wife died in a car crash in which he was driving. We see it in the overweight girl who eats ice cream and watches an endless number movies, because she wants to escape the world in which she's teased at school. We see it in the overworked corporate ladder climber who takes a pill to relax on the weekends, so they won’t worry about the things that can’t be controlled. We numb. It’s not uncommon. It’s not unusual. It’s not OK, but it is real. 

Tell me your story, let me feel your pain, so I can put it on paper and to music. Then, you can slowly heal through the music and be better for that experience. No anger, no fear, no consuming thoughts. Just the accepting of what is already past, so you can move forward freely, like a sailboat cutting through water by the power of the wind. This is my offering to the world. This is my passion and the most powerful gift I could ever give. 

Bring on the Glitter!

When asked what I'm most proud of in my life, my mind went to, "What made me glitter inside?" I expected a musical achievement to rise to the surface like cream rises in milk. However, I was surprised to find that one very non-glittery achievement surpassed all of my musical ones: passing my CPA exams.

I have to start by saying that the CPA exams, taken to become a certified professional accountant, are only passed by a fraction of people who take the exams. I was given guidelines of how and what to study, but it was really up to me to stick to the schedule. I also had to recognize that I wouldn’t know everything on the exam. It’s designed that way, but I had to know enough that I could score enough points on the things I did know, so that I could pass. I studied for four months, twelve hours a day, not including the one-month break I took in the middle to adventure around Australia. ;)

I was so stressed on a constant basis that my hair began to fall out. I didn’t have time to stop studying in order to work out, so I did flashcards on the stationary bike and read my notes while walking on the treadmill. If studying were an addiction, I was obsessed. I definitely did not go out. I didn’t have time. I woke up at 6, studied until 9 on the patio, then got ready and went to the library, which opened at 10am. I would study there until 2pm, take a half hour lunch, then go back from 2:30-6pm before going to the gym to study while exercising. I would go home to eat dinner, then up to my room to study until 9pm or until my brain couldn’t comprehend anymore.

I look back and wonder how I did it, how I was able to focus. I only know for sure that coffee, 5-hour energy drinks, and water were essential. I pushed past what my body saw as an acceptable amount of time to learn new material. I pushed past being tired or wanting to see friends. I ignored the need to control my immediate surroundings. And physically, I pushed past the amount of time my body felt I could sit in a chair…which is also why the gym and proper eating habits were so essential. I pushed my limits until they gave in and the only constraint was the number of hours in a day.

I guess that's why I'm so proud of that accomplishment. It took everything I had and then some, but I did it. Honestly, the four months I spent studying and expanding my limits are just fuzzy memories. I don't remember any significant events or moments, because there were none. I studied all the time. But they were worth it! I now know that my limits are much farther than I ever expected, which gives me immeasurable amounts of strength and courage to move forward into whatever venture I take on. 

Limits aren't hard to push until they push back and they always push back. The most you can do is fight like hell, ignore your comfort zone, and keep yourself healthy so you can continue to push forward with full strength. You may just come to discover that those are your proudest moments.

I thought I'd share this shot from the deck of the Condor, the sailboat I sailed on for 3 days in the Whitsundays of Australia in my month off during studying. That was another limit I pushed: traveling alone through Australia for a month, adventuring and creating thousands of memories to last a lifetime of stories. 

The "F" Word is Killing

Think about the moments you’ve savored most in your life, the ones that make you glow inside. What were you doing? Who were you with? I’m guessing it wasn’t sitting alone at home. There’s an energy about people when they’re connecting with other people, whether that’s with family, friends, volunteering, working, creating, experiencing others’ creations, or just talking with strangers. It’s almost magic how when you connect with someone, your heart glows and you feel comforted and joyous.

But everyday, we go out into the world and when asked the question, “How are you doing?” the automatic response is “fine, How are you?” There’s something wrong here. “Fine” is not good. If you’re “Fine”, I want to ask, “Why aren’t you great?!” and I want a real response! What would the world look like if we were all real with each other, good and bad. We’re all human. We all experience ups and downs, but somehow it’s become commonly accepted to hide all the things that make us human, that make us real. We put on a face that everything is great, even when its not and we could really use a listening ear or a warm hug. In essence, "fine" is killing human connection.

There are now statistics that say Facebook is causing depression, because people surf their friends profiles and see how great everyone else is doing when they themselves are really struggling. Because of us, people feel left behind, like failures, like they’re the only person not happy. IT’S LIES! Everyone is not great! We perpetuate the depression, sadness, and loneliness by hiding behind “Fine” and posting pictures and posts of only the great moments in life.

Now, I’m an optimist, so I don’t want to go on Facebook and see a bunch of posts about how life sucks and everything is terrible, but there is value in saying, “I’m having a rough day. My dog died, I got in a car wreck, and my boyfriend broke up with me. It’s been a tear filled day, but things will get better. Things will turn around. They always do.” How would you respond to that? What comment would you leave? Would you leave one at all? I would! I definitely would! And if I had their phone number, I’d probably call, even if we hadn’t talked in years.

That realness and vulnerability is what makes music so impactful. Think of Adele's song, "Set Fire to the Rain", Taylor Swift's "Mean", even Marvin Gaye's "Sexual Healing". They put their inner feelings on a platter. You think it's comfortable to tell people you've been broken up with, you're being teased, or that you really want someone's love? It's not. But in being vulnerable, we're able to connect with complete strangers on a deep level. 

There’s value in being vulnerable. That extends to all places in life. I have told the barista at the coffee shop how my day was really going and guess what? I got a real response, not just some cookie cutter everyday line. We then smiled, gave a genuinely sincere “Have a great day!” and went on our ways. I don’t know her name, nor does she know mine, but we put a little bright spot in each others days.

Now imagine those bright spots in every interaction you have throughout the day, because people genuinely care how each other are doing. You wouldn’t be fine. You’d be the not so “F” word, fantastic!

Want more on this topic? Watch Brene Brown’s enlightening talk on vulnerability in her TEDx Talk: http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability?language=en