Bring on the Glitter!

When asked what I'm most proud of in my life, my mind went to, "What made me glitter inside?" I expected a musical achievement to rise to the surface like cream rises in milk. However, I was surprised to find that one very non-glittery achievement surpassed all of my musical ones: passing my CPA exams.

I have to start by saying that the CPA exams, taken to become a certified professional accountant, are only passed by a fraction of people who take the exams. I was given guidelines of how and what to study, but it was really up to me to stick to the schedule. I also had to recognize that I wouldn’t know everything on the exam. It’s designed that way, but I had to know enough that I could score enough points on the things I did know, so that I could pass. I studied for four months, twelve hours a day, not including the one-month break I took in the middle to adventure around Australia. ;)

I was so stressed on a constant basis that my hair began to fall out. I didn’t have time to stop studying in order to work out, so I did flashcards on the stationary bike and read my notes while walking on the treadmill. If studying were an addiction, I was obsessed. I definitely did not go out. I didn’t have time. I woke up at 6, studied until 9 on the patio, then got ready and went to the library, which opened at 10am. I would study there until 2pm, take a half hour lunch, then go back from 2:30-6pm before going to the gym to study while exercising. I would go home to eat dinner, then up to my room to study until 9pm or until my brain couldn’t comprehend anymore.

I look back and wonder how I did it, how I was able to focus. I only know for sure that coffee, 5-hour energy drinks, and water were essential. I pushed past what my body saw as an acceptable amount of time to learn new material. I pushed past being tired or wanting to see friends. I ignored the need to control my immediate surroundings. And physically, I pushed past the amount of time my body felt I could sit in a chair…which is also why the gym and proper eating habits were so essential. I pushed my limits until they gave in and the only constraint was the number of hours in a day.

I guess that's why I'm so proud of that accomplishment. It took everything I had and then some, but I did it. Honestly, the four months I spent studying and expanding my limits are just fuzzy memories. I don't remember any significant events or moments, because there were none. I studied all the time. But they were worth it! I now know that my limits are much farther than I ever expected, which gives me immeasurable amounts of strength and courage to move forward into whatever venture I take on. 

Limits aren't hard to push until they push back and they always push back. The most you can do is fight like hell, ignore your comfort zone, and keep yourself healthy so you can continue to push forward with full strength. You may just come to discover that those are your proudest moments.

I thought I'd share this shot from the deck of the Condor, the sailboat I sailed on for 3 days in the Whitsundays of Australia in my month off during studying. That was another limit I pushed: traveling alone through Australia for a month, adventuring and creating thousands of memories to last a lifetime of stories. 

The "F" Word is Killing

Think about the moments you’ve savored most in your life, the ones that make you glow inside. What were you doing? Who were you with? I’m guessing it wasn’t sitting alone at home. There’s an energy about people when they’re connecting with other people, whether that’s with family, friends, volunteering, working, creating, experiencing others’ creations, or just talking with strangers. It’s almost magic how when you connect with someone, your heart glows and you feel comforted and joyous.

But everyday, we go out into the world and when asked the question, “How are you doing?” the automatic response is “fine, How are you?” There’s something wrong here. “Fine” is not good. If you’re “Fine”, I want to ask, “Why aren’t you great?!” and I want a real response! What would the world look like if we were all real with each other, good and bad. We’re all human. We all experience ups and downs, but somehow it’s become commonly accepted to hide all the things that make us human, that make us real. We put on a face that everything is great, even when its not and we could really use a listening ear or a warm hug. In essence, "fine" is killing human connection.

There are now statistics that say Facebook is causing depression, because people surf their friends profiles and see how great everyone else is doing when they themselves are really struggling. Because of us, people feel left behind, like failures, like they’re the only person not happy. IT’S LIES! Everyone is not great! We perpetuate the depression, sadness, and loneliness by hiding behind “Fine” and posting pictures and posts of only the great moments in life.

Now, I’m an optimist, so I don’t want to go on Facebook and see a bunch of posts about how life sucks and everything is terrible, but there is value in saying, “I’m having a rough day. My dog died, I got in a car wreck, and my boyfriend broke up with me. It’s been a tear filled day, but things will get better. Things will turn around. They always do.” How would you respond to that? What comment would you leave? Would you leave one at all? I would! I definitely would! And if I had their phone number, I’d probably call, even if we hadn’t talked in years.

That realness and vulnerability is what makes music so impactful. Think of Adele's song, "Set Fire to the Rain", Taylor Swift's "Mean", even Marvin Gaye's "Sexual Healing". They put their inner feelings on a platter. You think it's comfortable to tell people you've been broken up with, you're being teased, or that you really want someone's love? It's not. But in being vulnerable, we're able to connect with complete strangers on a deep level. 

There’s value in being vulnerable. That extends to all places in life. I have told the barista at the coffee shop how my day was really going and guess what? I got a real response, not just some cookie cutter everyday line. We then smiled, gave a genuinely sincere “Have a great day!” and went on our ways. I don’t know her name, nor does she know mine, but we put a little bright spot in each others days.

Now imagine those bright spots in every interaction you have throughout the day, because people genuinely care how each other are doing. You wouldn’t be fine. You’d be the not so “F” word, fantastic!

Want more on this topic? Watch Brene Brown’s enlightening talk on vulnerability in her TEDx Talk: http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability?language=en