My Secret Cure for Your Inner Most Struggles

Tell me you inner most struggle currently. I know you think you’re alone. I know you’re ashamed or embarrassed to admit it, to put it out into the world, or to put that burden on someone else. I promise, I can relate. It’s not a burden. I’m no
t here to solve your problem. I’m just here to let you know you can get through it. I’m just here to lend an ear. If I can help in any way, I’ll offer, I’ll try. But I promise not to make any promises, so you don’t feel like you’re burdening someone else. I’m just here to let you know it’s completely normal. We all struggle through the same emotions and fears; all in our different ways and different circumstances and some more than others, but we all do.

My greatest joy is being able to relate to people through emotions we all feel at some time or another. I listen, like really listen, the kind of listening you crave. Then, I tap into those emotions of mine and write from that place in my soul, those moments in my life, but using your details. Music heals, inspires, and strengthens. Let me help. Let me create music. Life is real. Emotions are real. I believe that it hurts, that it weighs on your mind. Lay it out for me and I will create music to heal your soul in a way that only music can. The kind you can listen to alone and cry or rejoice or use as your “let’s get down to business” song.

Today, I had a long chat with a good friend of mine and for the first time, we let down all our walls and I felt safe. I dared to be vulnerable, as did she. I shared a truth that I am so ashamed of and yet I’m overcoming. It’s like one of those days, when my creative self sits on the couch in my PJs all day. A wall. A distraction. Resistance. Vulnerability. 

I love music and what I can do with it, but now and again, I feel unworthy. Unworthy of good co-writers, making the right connections, having people look up to me. I don’t want to feel that! No one does! That’s why I numb. I numb those emotions by watching TV all day and not looking at the task at hand that is causing me so much turmoil. The problem is, I’m not an all-day TV watcher. I don’t want to be that person. I don’t even recognize that person and I’m embarrassed for people to see that person. I don’t want to share it. I don’t want people to see that, for fear that they’ll make assumptions about me as a person or opinions about my worthiness.

The truth is though, that we all have days like that. We all have moments when we block out and numb the things that cause us pain and turmoil. We can see it in the alcoholic that started drinking when his wife died in a car crash in which he was driving. We see it in the overweight girl who eats ice cream and watches an endless number movies, because she wants to escape the world in which she's teased at school. We see it in the overworked corporate ladder climber who takes a pill to relax on the weekends, so they won’t worry about the things that can’t be controlled. We numb. It’s not uncommon. It’s not unusual. It’s not OK, but it is real. 

Tell me your story, let me feel your pain, so I can put it on paper and to music. Then, you can slowly heal through the music and be better for that experience. No anger, no fear, no consuming thoughts. Just the accepting of what is already past, so you can move forward freely, like a sailboat cutting through water by the power of the wind. This is my offering to the world. This is my passion and the most powerful gift I could ever give. 

Bring on the Glitter!

When asked what I'm most proud of in my life, my mind went to, "What made me glitter inside?" I expected a musical achievement to rise to the surface like cream rises in milk. However, I was surprised to find that one very non-glittery achievement surpassed all of my musical ones: passing my CPA exams.

I have to start by saying that the CPA exams, taken to become a certified professional accountant, are only passed by a fraction of people who take the exams. I was given guidelines of how and what to study, but it was really up to me to stick to the schedule. I also had to recognize that I wouldn’t know everything on the exam. It’s designed that way, but I had to know enough that I could score enough points on the things I did know, so that I could pass. I studied for four months, twelve hours a day, not including the one-month break I took in the middle to adventure around Australia. ;)

I was so stressed on a constant basis that my hair began to fall out. I didn’t have time to stop studying in order to work out, so I did flashcards on the stationary bike and read my notes while walking on the treadmill. If studying were an addiction, I was obsessed. I definitely did not go out. I didn’t have time. I woke up at 6, studied until 9 on the patio, then got ready and went to the library, which opened at 10am. I would study there until 2pm, take a half hour lunch, then go back from 2:30-6pm before going to the gym to study while exercising. I would go home to eat dinner, then up to my room to study until 9pm or until my brain couldn’t comprehend anymore.

I look back and wonder how I did it, how I was able to focus. I only know for sure that coffee, 5-hour energy drinks, and water were essential. I pushed past what my body saw as an acceptable amount of time to learn new material. I pushed past being tired or wanting to see friends. I ignored the need to control my immediate surroundings. And physically, I pushed past the amount of time my body felt I could sit in a chair…which is also why the gym and proper eating habits were so essential. I pushed my limits until they gave in and the only constraint was the number of hours in a day.

I guess that's why I'm so proud of that accomplishment. It took everything I had and then some, but I did it. Honestly, the four months I spent studying and expanding my limits are just fuzzy memories. I don't remember any significant events or moments, because there were none. I studied all the time. But they were worth it! I now know that my limits are much farther than I ever expected, which gives me immeasurable amounts of strength and courage to move forward into whatever venture I take on. 

Limits aren't hard to push until they push back and they always push back. The most you can do is fight like hell, ignore your comfort zone, and keep yourself healthy so you can continue to push forward with full strength. You may just come to discover that those are your proudest moments.

I thought I'd share this shot from the deck of the Condor, the sailboat I sailed on for 3 days in the Whitsundays of Australia in my month off during studying. That was another limit I pushed: traveling alone through Australia for a month, adventuring and creating thousands of memories to last a lifetime of stories. 

The "F" Word is Killing

Think about the moments you’ve savored most in your life, the ones that make you glow inside. What were you doing? Who were you with? I’m guessing it wasn’t sitting alone at home. There’s an energy about people when they’re connecting with other people, whether that’s with family, friends, volunteering, working, creating, experiencing others’ creations, or just talking with strangers. It’s almost magic how when you connect with someone, your heart glows and you feel comforted and joyous.

But everyday, we go out into the world and when asked the question, “How are you doing?” the automatic response is “fine, How are you?” There’s something wrong here. “Fine” is not good. If you’re “Fine”, I want to ask, “Why aren’t you great?!” and I want a real response! What would the world look like if we were all real with each other, good and bad. We’re all human. We all experience ups and downs, but somehow it’s become commonly accepted to hide all the things that make us human, that make us real. We put on a face that everything is great, even when its not and we could really use a listening ear or a warm hug. In essence, "fine" is killing human connection.

There are now statistics that say Facebook is causing depression, because people surf their friends profiles and see how great everyone else is doing when they themselves are really struggling. Because of us, people feel left behind, like failures, like they’re the only person not happy. IT’S LIES! Everyone is not great! We perpetuate the depression, sadness, and loneliness by hiding behind “Fine” and posting pictures and posts of only the great moments in life.

Now, I’m an optimist, so I don’t want to go on Facebook and see a bunch of posts about how life sucks and everything is terrible, but there is value in saying, “I’m having a rough day. My dog died, I got in a car wreck, and my boyfriend broke up with me. It’s been a tear filled day, but things will get better. Things will turn around. They always do.” How would you respond to that? What comment would you leave? Would you leave one at all? I would! I definitely would! And if I had their phone number, I’d probably call, even if we hadn’t talked in years.

That realness and vulnerability is what makes music so impactful. Think of Adele's song, "Set Fire to the Rain", Taylor Swift's "Mean", even Marvin Gaye's "Sexual Healing". They put their inner feelings on a platter. You think it's comfortable to tell people you've been broken up with, you're being teased, or that you really want someone's love? It's not. But in being vulnerable, we're able to connect with complete strangers on a deep level. 

There’s value in being vulnerable. That extends to all places in life. I have told the barista at the coffee shop how my day was really going and guess what? I got a real response, not just some cookie cutter everyday line. We then smiled, gave a genuinely sincere “Have a great day!” and went on our ways. I don’t know her name, nor does she know mine, but we put a little bright spot in each others days.

Now imagine those bright spots in every interaction you have throughout the day, because people genuinely care how each other are doing. You wouldn’t be fine. You’d be the not so “F” word, fantastic!

Want more on this topic? Watch Brene Brown’s enlightening talk on vulnerability in her TEDx Talk: http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability?language=en

How I Climb Everest!

Everest is the tallest mountain because it reaches the highest point in the sky. If Everest could speak, it wouldn’t have said, “Well, I want to be the biggest mountain, but first I need to focus on being the biggest pebble, then the biggest mound, then the biggest, hill, and THEN the biggest mountain.” He would have just said, “I want to be the biggest mountain!”

I’ve noticed that sometimes people get bogged down in the mini-goals they’ve set in order to reach their big goals. I’m guilty of this myself. The truth is, those mini-goals shouldn’t be called goals at all. They are bench marks, mile markers, milestones, whatever you want to call them. The main distinction needed is that you don’t HAVE to achieve them. You don’t want to be so focused on your mini-goals and hitting them that you miss giant opportunities that could push you towards your main goal, because you don’t want to get off this imaginary path you’ve designed for yourself.

Life isn’t always a path. It’s like a sailboat in water. Instead of resisting the wind and sitting dead in the water, so you make a straight line to your goal, try using the wind to your advantage! You may zig-zag a little, but you’ll be moving and often you’ll get to your destination sooner and with more experience. Just don’t let the wind blow you completely off course. Keep your big goal in sight and always keep moving towards it in one way or another.

Wow, I think I just gave myself a big lesson in writing this.

The Self-Corruption of Inaction

“I just don’t know what to do.” “Sure, I have a list of things I’d like to accomplish, but I don’t feel like doing those right now.” “I don’t know where to start.” “It’s like I want to do nothing and everything at the same time.…I think I’ll watch a little bit of TV while I decide[…3 hours later, still watching TV]”

I’ve been there! I think it’s a fair assessment to say that most of us have, at one point or another. It’s that place where your desires are so great and you are motivated to do what you love, but you’re afraid to screw it up! You don’t know where to start, so you don’t start at all. Sometimes, all you really need is to get out of your own way!

Whether you want to start your own company, lose weight, try a new hobby, travel the world, whatever it may be! No one is stopping you from getting a business license, doing the work you love, going to the gym, eating fewer calories than you burn, taking a hula class, buying a flight to Paris, or in my case, making music and sharing it with the world. So, why isn’t the world filled with tons of people just doing what they want?!

There are internal roadblocks that stop us. Pretty much every roadblock boils down to Fear. Fear that we can’t afford it, Fear that we won’t succeed. Fear that people won’t like us or the service or product we offer. Fear we won’t find the love of our lives and get married and have babies. Fear that we can’t make our dreams come true. Did you notice that all these things are fears of what we can’t or won’t do?

We’re not afraid that we will make a living doing what we love, that we’ll get married and live happily ever after, that people will love us, or all our dreams will come true. Why would that scare us?! That sounds amazing! So why are we stopped?

Taking action will only get you closer to AMAZING! You make a choice every time you choose to act or not. Every time, I write a song, book a show, or market my music, I am taking action. I’m making the decision to do something. It may not always be the best way, but it’s a way. It’s action. It’s something. I’m moving forward, even if I’m zig-zagging. 

All these thoughts hit me yesterday and filled my journal pages as I talked myself though this all. Now, I've boiled it down to one sentence…

Defying the Fear of Failure

I’ve been caught in this web of destruction myself. You’re so scared that you’ll screw up something so important to you that you wind up taking no action at all. The fear of failure debilitates you.

The other night, I had a revelation. It went something like this:

When all else fails, remember that no one knows you (yet). No one cares what you put out onto the inter-web, except your family and friends who already love you no matter what. If you suck, people will ignore it. If you’re deliciously terrible, you’ll make tons of money on YouTube ads. If you’re good, people will be impressed and they’ll do one of two things: 1) enjoy it and move on with their day, which you’ve now impacted :) or 2) share it on their social media and tell friends about it :D

Is there really a down side here? No one cares if you’re invisible, so dare to be invisible. You might just be so remarkable, they notice you.

Here's a video to show that I dare to be invisible: "Anything" by Carolyn Mescher 

Hopefully, you'll notice.  I'm not perfect, but I keep getting better, so this is me right now. 

Write Your First Song: the self-proclaimed non-songwriter’s guide to writing a song

1. Write a list of what’s going on in your life right now, whether they’re successes, habits, relationship woes or excitement, fears, faith, whatever.
2. Pick the one you think sounds like the best song idea (you can pick a few if you’d like to see which ideas play out best)
3. Write about your chosen topic completely. Include both detail and overview. Add smells, sounds, sights, feels, senses, thoughts, how other people may perceive the situation, how other people would think or feel given the same situation.
4. Read what you wrote and pick out any lines or phrases that really hit you. Circle them. Underline any lines or phrases that seem like universal truths or things many people can relate to.
5. Look through your circled and underlined items and see if you found a cool song title, which will also be used as your “hook line”. The hook line is typically the last line in the chorus, the line that sticks with the listener.
6. We’re going to start with a basic and extremely common song structure for this first song: Verse, Chorus, Verse, Chorus, Chorus.
7. Put your hook line as the last line of your four-line chorus. Pick out other universal truths as well as some details that all relate to your hook line. Arrange them in a way that you would naturally say rhythmically. Think of a poem, like…”Mary had a little lamb, whose fleece was white as snow. Everywhere that Mary went, that lamb was sure to go.” The syllable emphasizes are very rhythmic.
8. Once you have four lines you like for your chorus, all directing the listener to the hook, ie the point of the song, move on to the verses. Think about how you want to get to the chorus and what you may want to say after you’ve made your point in the chorus. You may want to start with imagery and details. You may want to start with a question. It’s really up to you what you think is an interesting first line for your song that you can finish the thought in a four line verse and have the listener ready for what’s coming in the chorus.
9. For the verse melody, you’re looking for something more conversational. Think the same rhythmic/groove feel, like you’re reading a poem in sync with certain syllables emphasized.
10. Once you have four lines you like for the first verse, move onto the second. What can you say now, after the chorus, that wouldn’t have made sense in the first verse? Is there another part of this story you’re telling that had to wait until after the chorus? Maybe there’s a twist? That’s perfect material for the second verse. Look through your notes and pull out ideas, crafting your words into four lines for the second verse.
11. Repeat your same chorus. Make sure this makes sense with what you said in verse two.
12. Read back over your song. If there are any lines you don’t like, work on crafting them into lines you do like. This is your creation. It is whatever you want it to be and whatever you make it. If it strikes a chord with you, it’s done its job.
13. Optional Melody: Your verses typically include more detail and are more conversational, so the melody is more conversational. For the chorus melody, try to jump up a third or a fifth musically. That will make the chorus stand out a little more. If you don’t know what a third or fifth is, just sing higher for the chorus to help make it stand out more.
14. Song complete!